That noise we can hear is my father breathing. Fast, irregular, strained but breathing. 

The fear that he may succombe is over for now and we work on with a few drawings of my father and of the hospital room. 

We have the lid open in my his private room at the Norrtälje sjukhus facility where George has been through a week of health reverses. Here is what happened best I can make out. We first were alerted to a fall last Sunday which when we visited on Monday we were horrified to discover was much worse, his body curled into a tense knot, and completely unable to speak. My first reaction was to inform the staff that this is not how he is and that there has been some very dramatic event and luckily I had only a few days previous filmed father doing his painfully strenuous exercises and was able to show them what they are dealing with and that indeed had the desired effect and scans were ordered and specialists called. I may never forgive myself for not visiting immediately.

A suspected stroke but that became the least of it as he soon contracted nuemonia via some hastily administered jordgubb creme, before the proper assesment of swallowing strength had been carried out. We sat feeding him the slimyey grool, egging him on, congratulaiting him as each bacteria filled mouthful splash landing  - as is, not in the stomacrch acids but upon the delicate foliage of the lungs; numonia was almost assured. On diagnosis Mother, Kate and I were ushered into a what I can only describe as a telling room where we were informed of the 'fragility' of the situation. Considering a man of his years the doctor felt that it could develop very quickly into a final situation and that all depended on whether father would respond to the antibiotics. My sister cancelled her return flight and all forthcoming engagements and we commenced round the clock care. That was four day ago and today it seems he has responded well and is getting stronger so perhaps it is not tempting too much fate to say he is beating the neuminia. We must now see how his swallowing strength develops but to my eyes he seems to  be swallowing and is certainly stronger generally.

It has been strain on us all of course and it contiinues to be sure but we can be proud enough to say that we have done all we can and actually I think that by being at bedside to generally increase comfort and reduce anxiety has made a big differenct.

How this will effect our DS work remains to be seen but I can tell you that our five themes have never felt so far from what is necessary and good. I see them nowvery much as if backwards through the bins; still there but far enough away to be disconected. Of course I am aware, despite being rather spared experience with death, that these times of crisis change how one sees the world and what is important What changes one feels when thrown into such a serious, acute situation suddenly and how grateful one feels to all those who have help. What is the feeling when someone you lovelays dying? What scale is that? The acute scale perhaps, or the acute personal, whatever one may call it it trumps all the others. When experiencing it I felt sadness and aching worry for my father but at the same time a sentimental, good hearted love for everything else, like sorrorfull but always rejoicing, and the one feeling that I thought was most absent, most unfeelable was that of the critical attidue. Now I am well aware that this is a common experience; how many people turn find comfort in religion in hard times when ordinarily nothing? And no doubt as my own family situation plays out and eases the twin felllings of worry and wonder will disperse to reveal te 'normal state' but I dont want to go back to that in authentic flat line. I for one want to make it my goal the leave the door ajar to the acute scale in my life forever more, to keep it as a base and guide, a  foundation of common experience that all of us will share. Let this scale temper our critical thoughts and doing so that in lifes toughest times they can comfort and support ratther than an irrellevance - the luxury hobby of the well.